The 7 Commandments of the Generic, Add-Value Article (and Why Everything Sounds the Same)
If you’re a content creator, you and I are probably climbing the same greasy pole - scrabbling around for that magic formula to increase views, engagement, and success. Actually, the formula is not that elusive – look at the most widely viewed articles and videos, and the ones that the algorithm recommends. You can easily create this content... you just have to be satisfied with it being as market-driven and anodyne as everyone else’s.
This is not to hate, but rather to point out an inconvenient truth - we are all clued-up in SEO techniques, ‘quality rankings’, and the cult of adding value. Why? Because we are all slaves to algorithms now, Google’s the biggest and most culpable. When we’re all writing to appease an algorithm, we’re all using the same writing techniques. When we’re all using the same techniques, we’re all adopting the same tone, style, and voice.
The idea of adding value now echoes through content mills like a mantra. Who can add the most value in a chosen subject, and keep you on their page the longest? Who can make their sentences the shortest, most simplified, and most inoffensive? Who can perfect the tone of the simpering, subservient helper, projecting submissive approval and good-natured inhumanity in every syllable?
If I sound bitter, I’m not. But I am bored, and I have been for a while. So, this is my rundown of 7 of the most insipid content-writing commandments of the modern era:
1. Thou Shalt Use a Generic, Attention-grabbing Opening Sentence
It should be both pithy, and a little edgy, and not betray the softly written hokum that is to follow. Something like ‘Advice on good content writing is more common than an STI…’ Who could resist but to read on?
2. Thou Shalt Use an Insane Number of Line Breaks and New Paragraphs
This one is because we’re stupid, and we can’t manage a large paragraph without surreptitiously logging into Tinder or accidentally buying a robot vacuum cleaner. You know the vibe – it’s a half-baked revelation, or a frank admission, given added weight with a needless new paragraph, turning it into a ready-to-eat wisdom sandwich.
I am as guilty of [thing the article is about] as anyone.
3. Thou Shalt Massively Over-explain Every New Idea
Again, you have no attention span and you are pathetic. Let’s break this down… modern life has slowly stripped you of your ability to hold your focus in one place for very long, so you need simple sentences. This ensures that you continue to read while soothing you like an infant. OK, buddy?
4. Thou Shalt Use an Overly-familiar Tone That Makes Your Writing Easy to Access…
… to everyone from a newborn baby to a coma patient. You are transported back to that conversation you had with chatty Cathy in the coffee shop, and all your problems melt away as you are guided through a way to inject code into your WordPress site. It’s not enough for the language to be simple, bordering on patronising, the tone has to be so vacuous that you actively lose brain cells. How else are we supposed to appeal to 100% of people?!
5. Thou Shalt Add Value at Every Turn
We know what Google wants - eyes on pages, for as long as physically possible. Engagement. Here are my 10 best ways to type on a keyboard. These ways to type on a keyboard have really helped me press the keys more effectively, and I really wanted to share them with you in the hope that they’ll help you as well. If you like the content don’t forget to subscribe.
There are photos to further simplify the impossibly simple. I’ve also embedded a video, which you will consume in 7 additional minutes. It doesn’t matter that you don’t come away with any useful information - you are like a child being led blissfully through a field of swaying grass on a summer’s day.
6. Thou Shalt Optimise Through the Wazoo
Your blog post is informative and uses long-string keywords in the perfect ratio. It’s hit on a key metric for [insert mildly technical subject matter]. You have included a video and a plain-language transcript, driving views to your YouTube page. It’s a big old circle jerk of clicks and views, but it fills the time and makes you feel useful and productive.
7. Thou Shalt Grow Dissatisfied With the Status Quo and Turn Destructive
As if this article wasn’t already meta enough. You put your feelers out and sense the winds of digital content trends a-changing. You get out ahead of the curve and spearhead a new direction – adding value turns to destructive writing, rebellion… and then, as time passes, we circle back. Rebellion for rebellion’s sake is empty. Whatever happened to just being OK with yourself? Why don’t we just make content that helps people, and... adds some real value.
And, so it goes on… It’s content writing for the no-time, no-attention span generation. Everything we are directed to is now soft, technical writing, and it’s almost impossible to find something discussing ideas, or not offering a solution to a problem. When was the last time you stumbled across a blog that was abstract and unique? It happens so rarely, because Google has been hijacked for profit, and where else do you look?
And I get it. People need to make a living, but Christ, do we have to be so boring about it all? When did the world become a sea of budding digital marketers, money-driven, bland, and ruthless?
This is why writing about ideas isn’t valued – it doesn’t fit into a category; it can’t be measured in sales. It’s not optimised, but it’s the thing that separates us from the brain-dead; that flexing of sentience and the ability to reason beyond the everyday and project ourselves into the future.
Fill your writing with ideas and energy, and let it find an audience that can handle it. Don’t lower yourself to appeal to people who can no longer think and don’t have the inclination to try.
We all want our work to be viewed, but why not write something that you really value? Otherwise, what’s the point? If you find an audience for something that’s not authentic, you haven’t found an audience at all.
What do you think about the current state of content writing in 2023? Are you as infuriated as I am? Tell me about it in the comments and I’ll probably respond. Otherwise, check out my recent articles below, and if you’re looking to hire a freelance copywriter, get in touch today.
